I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
