Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
