He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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