I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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