Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
