You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
