Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
