It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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