Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
