but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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