we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
