insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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