I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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