Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
