It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
