You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
