What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
