I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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