at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As shirtless as possible
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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