Your dad touched me again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dicks are not precious.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
