I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Randomize
