i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
