i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
