he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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