I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
