I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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