just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
