She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
