Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
