OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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