i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
