I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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