I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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