Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
