It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
