is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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