Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
