My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
