Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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