I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will be naked everywhere
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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