The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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