I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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