Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
