this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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