I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
