i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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