So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
