I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
