She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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