I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
