I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
