Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
