First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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