The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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