I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
